Why is bedtime such a mine field? When we have ADHD, why is the theoretically simple, basic biological activity called sleep, so hard to achieve?? It’s not just you, and there are lots of reasons:
A person frantically trying to do multiple art projects at once in the middle of the night.
It’s hard to end the day!
Admitting the day is over can be tough. We want to fit in just one more thing to justify the day’s existence in a guilt-induced frenzy. (Me, too! I’m finishing this after my family has all gone to bed! 🤦♀️) This vicious cycle leads to waking up late, struggling to get started, not getting started until late in the day, using the end of the day as a deadline to start, and then can’t go to bed until we “catch up” once again!
It’s hard to break that cycle. But it is okay to give yourself a chance to start to change those patterns, where possible. You are enough. Your value as a human isn’t determined by what you accomplished today.
You have no time for yourself!
A person laying in bed, scrolling on their phone instead of going to sleep
Lack of fun during the day can also lead to revenge bedtime procrastination, when our inner rebellious teenager is determined to scroll until we run out of internet. Or play a game, or whatever is the thing we turn to when we can’t bring ourselves to do what we’re “supposed to” do any longer. Unfortunately, if part of us still feels guilty while we’re scrolling, we aren’t actually getting the full break and fun that we need. So then we scroll some more…
If this sounds like you, try to block off a little time in your week when you can play that game or watch that video— guilt free! It will be so much more rejuvenating when you can rest on purpose!
Are you out of willpower?
As the day goes on, our willpower diminishes, making it harder to head to bed. Sometimes we wait until we’re too tired to start the process, leading to more screen time and less sleep. We can actually be too tired to get to bed. (At least, not very effectively.)
If you’re struggling with the oomph to actually get to bed when it’s time, can you do any of the steps for bed early enough that you still have some willpower left? For me, mine starts to diminish by 8pm. So, when I can, I like to do things like fill a water bottle and prep my bed for going to sleep. Then there’s left to do after my baby is finally asleep and I can go to bed.
A cartoony image of a female person lying in bed, thinking of frustrating things instead of sleeping.
Nighttime ruminations?
Do worries and negative thoughts creep in while you’re trying to sleep? That one thing you wish you hadn’t said to your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate that one time. Or that time you did that humiliating thing at work, or how much you wish that report were already done. Our minds race with thoughts about what we should have done differently, adding to our anxiety about going to bed.
And waiting to fall sleep, itself might seem boring, which leads to more avoidance!
If you struggle with bedtime rumination, or sleep being too boring: could you listen to something friendly to drown out the worries and the “should have’s” that race when it’s time to sleep? Nothing too stimulating, but just enough to keep those worries at bay. My friend listens to sleep stories, I listen to a fiction audiobook series that I’ve already heard multiple times, and I know someone else who listens to instructional YouTube videos. Just don’t forget your sleep timer!
(If your troubles with rumination are consistent, it might be worth seeking out treatment for that, specifically.)
Not sure what bedtime looks like
Uncertainty about what needs to be done before bed can cause delays. Avoidance to start, but also getting out of bed to get that one thing you forgot! And then the next thing you forgot… Not only does this take longer to get into bed, but if you have to run around too much, it might get your adrenaline up and make it harder to fall asleep!
If this sounds like you, could you use some kind of bedtime checklist? I’d recommend starting with the minimum viable to get to bed. You’ll probably add to it organically.
Lastly, those with ADHD are more likely to have sleep disorders. If you suspect this might be the case, please, talk to a doctor. I’m not just saying that as a CYA thing— these can be serious conditions that really impact your overall health.
What makes it hard for you to go to bed? Let me know!