7 Reasons Why it's Scary đŸ˜± to Say No with ADHD🎃

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Full moon through the clouds

Why is it scary or hard to say no when we’re swamped, but someone asks us to do something else?? Even when it might be too much for us to handle right now? We put together a list of reasons!

a person feeling alone

a person feeling alone 

hands pressed together outwards

hands pressed together outwards 

  1. We feel like we “should” be able to take it on
  2. People pleasing may tell us we can never say no or people will hate us
  3. If we were to admit inability to do something we risk feeling "weak" in the eyes of others (or our own judgement)
  4. Turning down something shiny, new, and exciting can be hard!
  5. If social anxiety is in play, the idea of deviating from what is expected from us (IE saying 'yes' to everything) can be terrifying.
  6. Declining to take something additional on at work can feel like a threat to job security.
  7. The feeling that we are letting someone down that we care about can really hurt.
 

Although it's helpful to understand the reasons we're struggling, it's even more helpful to have solutions.

Ways to Make it Easier to Ask for Help

  1. Ask someone you trust if they ever struggle to ask for help. Sometimes that can open a conversation which will lead to a connection and shared empathy which could make it easier.
  2. Research online to find stories of other people. Reddit is a great resource for this as are some Discord servers and neurodiverse communities. Seeing examples of others struggling in the same area as we are can add layers which help break down barriers.
  3. Have someone (who understands) to brag to that you asked for help.
  4. Ask for help with an incentive— that can sometimes ease things. Offer to exchange favors with a friend or explicitly pay a service to do the task we need assistance with (TaskRabbit, a cleaning service, handiperson service, etc).
  5. Create accountability with a therapist, coach, teacher, etc to make the request with the source of help.
  6. Dig deep into our thoughts and emotions to try and pinpoint exactly why asking for help is so difficult for our specific brain. Sometimes it can turn out that we can unravel the half-truths or things which just are true by defining them clearly.
  7. Can you ask for help to ask for help? It may sound silly, but having a friend with you to ask for a bigger help can make it more palatable.
friendly ghosts supporting each other

friendly ghosts supporting each other

If you're feeling scared of saying "no" to something, reach out for help! If you aren't comfortable asking for help from a friend or loved one, ask a professional or a community of folks with ADHD! You can check out our ADHD Guild, or any neurodiverse community, that might help support you in getting any additional help or support you need!

If you're interested this topic, here's an older video playlist on asking for help with ADHD: Why Asking for Help is Hard with ADHD https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDJBaH1Zjm29BGGalbOuDmrC7lwoVPgpQ

Here's the first video from the playlist: